Fluff: Hogwarts on Acid
by Mudd Button
Summary: This is THE strangest thing I've ever written, but it is GREAT for a good laugh!!!


Fluff  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own it, ain't makin' money off of it.  
  
This story is pure and complete fluff, hence the TITLE. Not meant to be taken seriously. It's humor/parody and I guess the teensiest bit of romance if you want to get all technical. If any of this makes sense to you, you need help. This was meant to express my moment of temporary insanity- INDULGE.  
  
BTW- I love reviews and, yes, I EXPECT them. You are all big people now and I think it's time you all learned how to review a damn story!!! Anyway. . . enjoy! :O)  
  
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"Severus! Severus! Oh- my- Gods! I have something urgent to tell you!" Harry yelled running towards his Potions Professor in the hallway.  
  
"Oh dear, dear Harry. What is it?" Severus asked desperately. Tears began to flow from Harry's eyes.  
  
"Th-there's. . . no more milk and cookies! I think someone stole them!"  
  
Severus brought Harry to his chest and hugged him tightly.  
  
Hermione came up behind the older man and pinched his but, "Who are you, sek-si?!"  
  
Severus let go of Harry and turned to face Hermione, "I'm his husband." He said pointing to Harry.  
  
Harry rolled his eyes, "He's kidding. . . we got a divorce."  
  
"Oh. Okay. Well, have either of you seen an orange? He was kind of round and porous looking, and uh. . . I'm pretty certain he was orange." Hermione explained.  
  
"We have not seen your orange," Severus said harshly to the girl, "But I WILL be keeping my eye on YOU."  
  
Hermione began walking away when she turned around again, "I hope you know that that is illegal in 50 states!"  
  
Severus walked away from the whole scene without another word. And Harry plopped down right in the middle of the hall.  
  
Professor Dumbledore, soon after, approached Harry and seated himself directly in front of him.  
  
"I'm glad I caught up to you. I was wondering if you had been invited to Cho Chang's party?"  
  
"Hm. I don't remember." Harry responded looking up blankly at the ceiling.  
  
"Ah. Well, maybe you'd remember if you saw an invitation." Dumbledore said handing Harry a piece of rolled up parchment. Harry opened it. It read:  
  
You are cordially invited to Cho Chang's "And this one time at Quidditch Camp I stuck a broom in my. . ." Party.  
  
"Oh, yes. I remember this. I'm pretty sure I will be attending unless I get my period, you know." Harry said handing the parchment back.  
  
"Er- Harry? I hate to break this to you, but men do not get 'periods'." Dumbledore explained.  
  
"Oh! Well, then I guess I will be going, huh?" Harry told him.  
  
The two of them got up and started walking when they bumped into Professor McGonagall.  
  
"Hello. Do either of you know why it is snowing in May?" She inquired.  
  
"It's snowing?!" Dumbledore asked incredulously.  
  
"No. But what if it was?"  
  
* * *  
  
By this time Harry had dropped to the floor and began crawling when he ran into Ron.  
  
"Harry! Look at this! Peanut butter all over my knees!" Ron exclaimed showing Harry his peanut butter covered knees under his robes.  
  
"Well, Ron. I hate to tell you this. . . but roses smell much prettier. Plus, that peanut butter is awfully stale!" Harry told Ron matter-of-factly after tasting the peanut butter. Ron shrugged.  
  
All of a sudden Crabbe and Goyle came running up to them, "Have you guys seen our monkey?" They asked in unison.  
  
"No guys. Sorry. We haven't seen Malfoy anywhere." Ron said. With that they both walked away.  
  
"Oh- my- Gods! The cow has SPOTS!" Harry said gaping at the wall.  
  
"Harry Potter! I am sick of this! Why do you always have to rub it in, just because I can't see the bloody cow!?" Ron shouted.  
  
"How can you miss it!?" Harry shouted back.  
  
"UGH! I've got to go. The phone is ringing." Ron said and he stomped away in a rage.  
  
Harry walked to the library where he found Hagrid flirting with the librarian. He walked over and kissed Hagrid's knuckles.  
  
"Harry. Would ya' please keep yer love life ter yer'self?" Hagrid asked looking at him.  
  
"Would you like FRIES with that? Geez Harry. You are sooo greedy!" Fred and George Weasley said to him upon entrance. Harry shrugged when just then Draco walked in with a jug of milk and a platter of cookies. Harry's eyes bulged out of his eye sockets. . .  
  
"You BITCH! You had the milk and cookies the whole time! You are such a whore. I should have known it was you. And now- well, NOW I don't even want the damn cookies. OR the milk. Thanks a lot. Hmmmph! You are not getting ANY nookie tonight AND you are sleeping on the couch!"  
  
  
  
~Fin~  
  
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Okay. I am alright. I SWEAR. I just had to write something silly, okay?! 


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